Finally. The temperature actually seems to be in harmony with the month. It is January. Cold as a witches'...slow as mollasses. January is supposed to be cold. How else to move on and flow into 2012 than to give 2011 the cold shoulder? Yup. It's cold...about 15 and windy. Finally got some free skiing in since the vacation people have all gone home and it's a good thing because the races start tomorrow. I prefer skiing in the cold. It's not that I like to go that fast but I like the sound of the very cold snow...the squeeking reminds me of the sand at Singing Beach. My skis sing. My cheeks pink. My nose hairs crackle. It's finally winter. And the most inspired artist ever is at work delighting me with surprises of light and crystal shine. That old wild mother is using her tools...wind, cold and contrast...to whip up the most amazing landscapes on windowpanes... and in the woods where ever water travels... and where moments drip into flow and disappear forever from awareness, she has captured those moments in icicles of diamond shine catching light.. and twinkling a pale pink. Ice formations in the woods are extraordinary. The are such a surprise to encounter and when you take the time to look at them, to appreciate the uniqueness of the varied formations, it encourages a mental reflection. How do I freeze time? I think about taking photos. They certainly freeze the moment and reflect light. But so too does my writing...I can think of my journals in the closet as caverns of colored icicles...2010 and all the thoughts I recorded as Stevo moved through his heart surgery and recovery period...notes on my garden and my bird sightings. Poems I've written that consolidate images and metaphor into a form that seems penetrated by light. Surely all those words have come from gusts of wind from the changing climate of my heart. Why resist the cold? It only makes your shoulders ache. I don't think bears get grouchy when they are going into their stupor for winter. It's when they wake up that the grumpiness of hunger moves them out of their slumber. I'm experiencing a first this winter. For the first time, I am unemployed. In a great gift of kindness from the universe, I am not working for money...but I am working for love.
With Mom's change in status after her fall and my sister's recent diagnosis, I find my heart wandering down to Mass. on a regular basis. I'm committed to every other weekend and I feel blessed to have the freedom to schedule in respite time for my other sister. But the best silver lining of the whole situation is that I get to ski and write and do my own thing the rest of the time. I can even hibernate if the spirit moves me. And..I can volunteer at Maine Adaptive. Such is the great gift given within the wrappings of aging and challenge. As I concentrate on the exhileration of my first winter's freedom, I am given strength. It's just what I need for my trips to Massachusetts every other week.
As I get on board Winter with Wild Mother Nature, we play with frozen crystals of passing moments and reflecting light and it is much easier to feel the deep gratitude for blessings than the heaviness of heart regarding the situation...and with that gratitude comes a buoyancy of spirit that results from the support of the universe. Janus is a two-headed God image. He is January's namesake and he uses one head to look behind at the ways he did things before while the other head looks forward to the unwritten page of the future and the possibility of becoming something more. Happy page 2012...it could be a whole new story.
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