LATE FALL CHILLS

L

With the end of October, comes the first really cold weather this year.  October has been pretty mild and this last week we did have to get a woodfire burning to take the chill off... but only once or twice. The leaves seem to be late falling this year too. When I take Sadie out walking in the mornings...there are many reminders of the winter moving slowly in our direction. I love the drying milkweed. The little girls next door do too...between the dandilion seed heads and the milk weed pods exploding to throw their internal seeds to the far reaching winds, I enjoy watching their enjoyment. They blow on the dispersing seeds in their effort to help Mother Nature get her seed spreading work done. And I ponder the seed waiting for the moving gust that will carry it on to it's next incarnation. I kind of feel like that milk weed pod full of seeds hanging on till the wind catches them. My growth has slowed down. The monarchs have come and gone. The landscape is full of dried plants and bittersweet. The coming of winter is undeniable. I've popped my lid and all the seeds of future growth are laid bare to the moving air. One of these days a big old gust will pick up some of those seeds and send them packing to find a new spot that will support the future generations. The pace of my life has changed. It's much slower. I watch the busy busy people stressed out from running around trying to do too much and after I feel the initial stabs of guilt, that I should be so lucky to have some time to myself...the gratitude sinks in. I feel so grateful that I have a life partner that is my best friend. We have worked hard together and as a result, we have created much that nourishes and sustains us. Yes. I'm unemployed. But the only time I feel bad about that is when I'm amidst the clashing egos of the corporate world...a world I 've explored and said...thanks but no thanks. There is a space full of peace within me. I have the luxury of offering myself as a volunteer to my own family. My mother is being discharged home from rehab after a bad fall in September. She will go home on my Dad's birthday and because I'm unemployed, I can offer myself up as a helper for a couple of weeks. Tommorrow I head down to Salem. I feel like I'm on the threshold of a big adventure. Everything is unknown. Of course, thats the way it always is but when the current grabs you and you have a job, it holds you in place. You have to make your plans around your work schedule. You are anchored to one spot. Without a job, there is no bouy...no anchor holding you in one place. Suddenly you are a ship moving out to sea and headed into unknown weather with a flexibility to accomodate whatever comes up. And if your job doesn't hold you in place...then your dog will or your husband and children will...but when they are all grown up and able to care for themselves...well...thats when your life resembles a milkweed pod awaiting that cold blast of wind. If you are a seed...you don't want to hold on to the pod too tight or you'll miss your ride. And if you are the pod, you don't want to hold too tight to your seeds or your future generations won't get planted. Your holding on will prevent them from generating their own. So the best rule of thumb is to "let Nature take her course". Don't hold on too tight or let go too soon. It's like that with your mother. If I'm the seed, then she was the pod...if I'm the pod, then my loving actions are the seeds. The wind is blowing. My choice to be there for my mother is a prayer in action. I have the luxury of being able to respond to her in her time of need and I feel the gratitude for my amazing freedom. But there is a chill to the wind...a cold forshadowing of the winter to come. While I chill out with Mom for a few weeks, the edge of winter encroaches. I breathe in and relax knowing all is as it should be. When I forget to breathe and I become fearful of the unknown, I freeze and my motion becomes restricted. I tense up and turn a cold shoulder to the cold and the icy edges are sharp and cutting. When I breathe, I let go and allow timing to be in the hands of a greater intelligence. My goal is to move confidently into the ebb and flow of the energy of my life and to trust the breath of spirit that guides my ship...no matter if I am the pod or the seed. One is the one who releases. The other is that which is released. I am not in charge of the timing. I'm not in charge of natural events bringing on the edge of winter. I am just one little person who has a couple of weeks to spend caring for her Mom. And if the wind blows from a certain direction? Well, that is Mother Nature's department...and it is she that determines my course.