FULL MOON EVE

Last night I dreamed I was gazing up at an exquisite full moon that was special because it hung so low in the sky. Today, when I sat for a meditation, i felt that whole huge silvery moon emanating out from my heart just like it was when it was shining luminesence in my dream. Somehow, the outside had come inside and the inside had moved outside and well, it clearly was all connected whether it was inside or outside. Today, I looked at Facebook update statuses for my news. It's always news I can relate to because it is whats happening in my world of friends. Here, I use the term friends to mean people I know...not necessarily well and we may not be especially close but we are all connected by this thread of internet weaving us together despite geographical location. I enjoy it. My friend Arla had posted this video on her status and I opted to sit quietly for 13 minutes and watch it with my full attention. Most folks know Eve Ensler for her now famous play "The Vagina Monologues". Arla is an artist healer who works with incarcerated women, women survivors of breast and other cancers as well as just us hung up creatives who can't quite get rolling. I had the remarkable oppurtunity to work with Arla on a Breastplate project that opened my awareness to just how deeply I had been affected by the social/media concepts of beauty and body as I grew up. I had no idea how negative my self appraisal of my body was until I did this project. It was a plaster cast of my torso full on front. I was thrilled, embarrassed, self concious and all kinds of descriptives because I had, over time and with my negative notions, created a breastplate of energy defending my soft underbelly. Fact is, I have huge breasts and I don't care for them. They are hangy and sweaty in the heat and they are a weight that sometimes hurts my back. As a young girl, I was mortified by the wolf whistles of men on construction jobs and always suspected any boy who was drawn to notice me was simply interested in my breasts. I was usually right..so I never perceived my full cups as a strength. If anything, they kept people from seeing ME. My awareness opened when the plaster was removed from my body and I began to work with it. During that time, Stephen and I were having our heart troubles both in our relationship and in our health. I remember the night I had to sand the cast of my breasts. I used a fine sandpaper and as we women chatted and worked, I realized that I was begining to appreciate the soft curve of my breasts and how my belly stuck out a little after delivering 2 large boys. It dawned on me that Stephen actually might appreciate my landscape and love it rather than just be fixated on it. I knew that only because I was, in lightly rubbing the shape of my body, opening up to the possibility of loving it myself. And learning to love myself was an integral part of moving to the mountains of Maine. My soul was hungry for this landscape and I have given my all to my mother Earth. Eve Ensler's "Suddenly, my body" is an intense, remarkable piece. It is the truth. As I harvest vegetables from my garden, I feel the hungry children in Somalia...and the children of Japan eating irradiated food because the Big Wigs fear losing money more than the lives of their children. I see the ridiculous posturing of politicians from the White House to the local elementry schools and I remember sanding my breasts...praying for understanding and direction, given how far off course we had drifted. This is a potent piece. Eve is a brave soul for putting her perception into words, as is Arla, for teaching Body-nature as a way of healing women. I am humbled by how much more powerful is the voice of the artist in speaking straight truth where the politicians and money-mongers speak empty words and unconcious crowds want to believe, so they vote for them and everything continues to sit encased in grime and oil and coal dust, in cancer and in lies while impotent committees waste time bickering over semantics and blame. I have found the softness of my torso...a love of my landscape and a healing in my garden. I am one blessed cookie and I give thanks with every cell of my being. Mmmmm. The moon rises over the mountains.