FIRED UP

The weather since April Fools Day has been wet; starting with the 8 inches of snow we had April 1st and flowing right into now with a stretch of rain that looks like it will last for a week. I can't tell you how long this winter seems. I feel kind of rusty and creaky and cranky. I'm very fond of winter most years and wholly enjoy the snow and all the fun that goes with it but by April, I'm ready to kiss it all off and open my arms to the soft warm air of the melting woods and the dark earth of the garden season. I have learned that what used to be the first real month of spring in Massachusetts, in Maine is mud season. I think I might be able to get along without it...or perhaps I should say I think April in Maine could get along without me. It actually hurts to be this hungry for the sun and the warmth. Tomorrow is May 5th and there isn't any sun in the forecast till Sunday...even then they are calling for a partly cloudy day. So...to keep my spirits up, I rely on focusing on anything spring that is not mud or the weather. Phrases like bogged down, just ducky, muck and mire...there are many if you dwell there long...begin to suck me in like the garden mud and make it impossible for me to take a step. Have you ever had to break the suction of mud against a muck boot? It can be a daunting task especially if you are a bit lame from a ski injury and there have been a few moments of near panic when I think I might not be able to free myself. So thats how it goes for me and my thoughts, if allowed to dwell on the sucky mucky mud and rain puddles drowning my worms...my thoughts just spiral downward in a cycle of stuck in the muck. Yuck. The whole year was consumed by Stephen's open heart surgery recovery and the last days of his recently released mother. There are lots of deep ruts I could let myself sink into but for the fact that this year we will finally celebrate Stephen recovery, Will's college graduation and all of the blessings of our life with the second family vacation of our lives. Yep. We are headed to the Caribbean for some turquoise water and trade winds.

Being a person who hates shopping, I find myself without summer attire or even beach towels, so we have been forced to do some of that dreaded shopping. We actually enjoyed ourselves and the day flowed from overwhelmed with spring cleanup, to hiring help to getting ourselves a fire permit so we could burn the leaves and brush and debris from last year. Movement is key when the sludge gets your thinking. Without effort at all, we had a cleansing fire and the workout of hauling various debris to throw on the fire. A purifying fire. An opportune time to burn the five years of financial papers that we cleaned out of our office space. That bag was nearly sixty pounds . The feeling of relief was amazing. I felt lighter and happier than I have in 6 weeks. The beautiful bonfire was like a burning sunshine in my heart as years of accumulated stuff was boiled down to its basic earth elements and returned to the ashes. An undefined heaviness was somehow lifted. Suddenly I'm feeling lighter, fuller and freer. Gee that was easy medicine. Should have done it ages ago. Today is pouring rain...again. Perfect for dowsing a fire. Perfect for cooking soup and making turkey pie and baking ginger snaps. Suddenly the weight of the rainy day becomes the impetus to create.

It feels almost like flight. And this morning as we had our coffee, the first Baltimore Oriole of the season came to my hummingbird feeder and posed for my camera. Baltimore Oriole symbolically is a return of sunshine and light in all aspects of the home and family life and her gift is the weaving of new sunshine into relationships and for me...into my thoughts. The bright orange breast and startling chipper song is a welcome harbinger of summer and my heart begins to sing. I haven't written much in the blog lately...but today I realized that if the blog becomes a vent of celebration for my life's blessings, then I might retrain my mind to stop venting crap...thus making me feel lighter and offering some of that lightness to whoever should peruse this blog. I may also want to write more. But first a week in the turquoise sea...to listen to the angel and parrot fish and to stand in a bathing suit and let my body be taken by the trade winds. Thanks to the fire and the orange song of the oriole...I'm impervious to the week of rain and so ready to take flight...Yep. I'm all fired up.